Hello everyone,this is going to be a bit of a doosy. I watched a lot of YouTube videos today about YouTube culture,and although the focus was on YouTube I personally think these videos had a lot insight to everyday life. A lot of the YouTubers, spoke of their position as a video maker, as being YouTube famous, and how they wish they could have a safer less overwhelming relationship with their fans and then the fans posted videos in response about how,sure,there is a collection of fans that are a bit over enthusiastic with their adoration with their idolization of the YouTubers but there was a vast amount that understood that there the YouTubers were different people than what they were being shown and to be treated like they were all these crazy fans was demeaning and disrespectful. Each side had a very good point. The parts about idolization though and the dangers there even when not physical dangers,although that was mentioned, mentally could be just as bad, I don't know the YouTubers said it all a lot better Than I seem to be able to word right now. But it reminded me often that my mind is so easily changed,which isn't necessarily a bad thing,nothing makes my skin crawl like close minded people,but if my mind is always changing how can I be sure with how much of it is me... and not all the things I'm being influenced of and about out in this crazy world for which I reside? I understand that I'm at a very strange and a bit rough part of my life,that it can sometimes be a struggle of whether or not I'm making the right decisions,that I'm doing something good for the world,for myself. I experienced something today that's always an extremely heartbreaking and pretty devastating situation of someone wanting to give it all up,just being done and absolutely ready to end it,I won't mention who. Even with never having said anything to this person before I felt a obliged to comment on the situation. Now to this person I mentioned having someone extremely close to me,again I won't mention who,going through something similar,as in I feel if there weren't certain people in her life she'd be gone. Now this person and I have spoken of it many a time and because of her influence I have a hard time around the subject,the way she views it is if anyone is in so much pain and has nothing else to live for then what's the point with continuing their suffering? Now I see her point except I can't with good faith believe that there's not something out there better for every single person who feels this way. But this important person feels as if she's an awful and horrible person but every single person who meets her can't help but go on and on about how wonderful a person she really is! I'll be honest and say I've been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late I just can't seem to enjoy myself, I am having a difficult time seeing the longer view of everything and it can be really crushing to feel like this I am sure so many of you know what I am speaking of,I believe that I'm thankfully starting to make my way out of the tunnel and towards the light,but for a while I was really starting to see this persons point of view. But there is so much out there I would like to do and experience and understand but why? Why do I crave that? If I has been born to a different family with different values,if I had not spent a vast amount of my short life moving from place to place,would the essential parts of me,the things that make me me,would they still be there? Or would I be someone entirely different? The way I see things you're a combination of your experiences,the people and moments that influenced you and of course that soul,that part that I believe you will always be and always have but I could be entirely wrong. I remember speaking to my mom about my nana's religion as we have many times before but this one stuck out because she told me of a time she asked nana why she was Christian and she said because I was raised Christian if I had been raised a different religion I would probably be of that religion,now I know this touches on a big topic and I might get some backlash for this but I'm interested to know what others think so that's ok,and that was my mothers point. If nana was RAISED differently she would be different. Back to what I was saying earlier though,why do I want the things I want? What decides that? I know that the things I wanted when I was small are much different from the things I want now, although some things haven't changed (and hopefully never will). And lately I've been really interested in reading different articles about different things, a lot of them just silly random things, but some about health issues,the food we consume everyday and all that great adult stuff that I'm now interested in because I'm at the point where I have to make an opinion of my own, and that's scary for me,I'm sure for the people around me, those people I mentioned earlier that raised me. My nana and Have discussed about me going to church while in college and having children eventually both of which I honestly answered that I did not wish for and again honestly my mind could change,about both of them,I never know. But she was perplexed and I think even maybe a little hurt? I don't blame her,the way she was raised these are both shocking things to hear,but again that's how she was raised. But bringing it all together how do you know the things you want are the things you want? How do you know they're not what you've been influenced to want or unconsciously you don't really want that you just think you do because everyone else does. And also in all this confusion of who are we and are we really a particular person,special and unique or just this massive similarly thinking thing,can I just throw in why? Why are we here,I know I know,overly used topic that just doesn't have a perfect answer. But I mean humans are so perfectly imperfect,we crave connection and adventure and success but for some reason completely lost to me a good majority of us are too lazy or terrified to even try and achieve those goals and it just doesn't make sense. Hm,I don't know I'm probably just rambling by now it's just that those videos got me thinking and I wanted to write it down while it was still in my head and I was thinking this way. Sorry this was so super long and really congrats and thanks so much if you read all the way through this I'd really love to hear what you think so please comment and voice all your opinions.
For those interested in the YouTube videos youtu.be/Jje3LwnT4E0
and just watch the playlist he mentions, it's a lot of video content though.